well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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