Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
