I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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