No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
