My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's so Britney 2007, you know?