She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.