this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
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How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.