dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.