I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything