Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
