He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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