Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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