I hate all girls vehemently.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
