Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize