He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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