Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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