jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize