can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
