My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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