I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
