Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
