in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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