Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
