this boner is exhausting
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
