Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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