She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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