wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
