So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize