i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
