Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
