i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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