His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
