Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
