if i can run in heels then i can drive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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