Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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