Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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