He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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