So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
