batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
