my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
