Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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