So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
