we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
