I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
