If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
