The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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