Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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