help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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