so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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