Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
