what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
