the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
