ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dignity is for republicans.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
