They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
