Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Green mimosas i think yes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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