My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
