Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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