goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
