I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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