Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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