Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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