3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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