Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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