I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
