i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
