No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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