I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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