so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
