You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
