Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
how drunk are you?
Several
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
