Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You are the jesus of drinking
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?