I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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