cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.