I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.